Wut's up wid it... vanilla face.

Wow... I haven't been on here in so long, that I almost got lost getting here. Crazy huh?...

But... umm... yeah, all you dedicated fans out there? I"M BACK!... or so you think!

Well, I'm finally on a soccer team! So basically that means I've been walking around campus and sitting in my classes with this rediculously huge grin on my face. Probably if you came up to me and slapped me I would just smile and nod at you.

Currently Listening The Legend of Chin By Switchfoot Concrete girl see related

Trailer

*blinding flash and thunderous boom*

*very deep movie trailer voice... you know the type... starts speaking at strategic points during a montage of rapidly flashing pictures of people doing things* (yes, you have to use your imagination. *rolls eyes*)

The populace has spoken...

The time is right...

The choice has been made...

It's just he's kinda buisy right now...

And it's late...

But... the post is comming...

*pictures suddenly stop, and fade away*

*date of release soars onto the screen in huge letters*

Comming soon to a xanga near you...

*screen goes black*

And now to hear from our news room:

Hi this is Marcus Perphanoffits here at the Akron News Broadcasting center. Traffic today has been rather slow. There was a pile-up earlier to-wait, breaking news! Paramedics report that they rushed local highschooler, Andrew Foster, to the hospital earlier today after he nearly died of excitment. The 16 and a half year old Stow redisident was admitted into the intenstive care unite after being pronounced in critical physical condition. Experts say Foster's condition was caused by experiencing a combination of shock and extream excitment after passing his driving examination early this morening. The Doctors are unsure whether he will recover. Again, this is Marcus Perphanoffits at the Akron News Broadcasting center.

(musical interlude constisting primarily of a heavy beat and several bizzare whooshing, buzzing, humming, crackling, and anything else noises that then abruptly terminate)

(a violin starts to quaver)

(Soft, soothing, comercial voice (you know the kind) comes on)

Are you wondering if you will ever find the time to dust that mantle peice, or clean out those old computer files? Don't worry any longer. FirstaGoodForYourHeartCleanOrganization is offering free lawn care for you and your neighbors for the next three months. That's FREE lawn care. For only ten dollars a day, you can get all the help you diserve and more! Don't wait any longer. Make the right choice for your family, and go FirstaGoodForYourHeartCleanOrganization. If you are fed up with those lawn companies who ask to much, and you want well toned skin and a better roofing job, call 1-800-BLOW-NOSE, thats 1-800-BLOW-NOSE. Remember, get FirstaGoodForYourHeartCleanOrganization for a better, longer life!

      Possible side effects may include vomitting, spitting, dislike of pineapple, dandruff, nosea, open that cubboard door sindrome, light headedness, light footedness, carpet lint, nasal hair growth, tax increases, and death. Possible restrictions apply, see dictionary for details.

He is Risen!!!!

"...when they cut me open, all they found inside me was a bunch of sticks an' leaves, and stuff...you know?...." ~a friend of mine

Ladies and gentlemen, if you have never take the opportunity to patronize the Akron Metro bus system, let me urge you, nay beg you to do so now, before it is to late! Continue no longer in your sad, stale lives, but take that leap of faith (at least, that is, if the bus driver doesn't pull close enough to the curb) and give Metro a chance. Belive me, it will be worth every bit of the four quarters it will cost you.

"How is that?" you may ask.

The answer is quite simple. It comes in the form of a man I like to call Mr. "Cartilage" (look, I have no clue how to spell, so stop laughing like that........ I said cut it out!) This one man has singlehandedly given Metro that elusive charm we all recognize. Indeed, he is a veritable wizard (he practically claims to be one anyways).

I met this singular character about two months ago when he staggered onto my bus as I was headed home. I will never forget that ride. It will be forever be impressed in my mind untill the day I die... holding back side splitting laughter for 20 minutes without respite is an unforgetable expierience. After fumbling about with his fare for a minute, Mr. Cartilage strolled back and plunked himself comfortably down in the seat across from me in a disconcertingly companionable manner. After a moment of alkward silence (awkward I say, but what I really mean is that he appeared quite at home and I felt decidedly awkward) he crossed his legs and clasped his hands over his knees in the manner of an old man settling down to for a philsophical discussion. He then proceeded to make what he apparently considered polite conversation. This rather one sided conversation, punctuated only rarely by ambiguous grunts from me which I hoped he would take for agreement, I have attempted to replicate here.

Mr. Cartilage: "So... those are nice trees (pointing to some oaks in a park we were passing). You like eating acorns? (confused mumble from me) Hmm... yea, those things are poisonous you know. I heard some people were going to try and knaw (as in chew) through those tree's roots, but the squirrels stopped them. Yeaaahhh... they threw nuts at em' an' stuff. Boy those people got mad... (bug eyed silence from me) I really like trees... I used to have a bunch in my yard, but I had to cut them down... I have tons of squirrels in my yard, little buggers. I used to feed one, but then the neighbors killed it... I went inside for a minute and when I came out the squirrel was gone. The nieghbors must have killed it. Heart failure or something... hehehe... I used to do that to cats when I was a kid... you know, feed em cianide."

(There then followed a few moments of silence during which the chap stared at things (me amongst them) with his pecilure bug eyed squint and I tried despiratly to look like I had conversations like this every day)

Then: "Did you hear? Those guys from over there in Iraque and Afganistan are attacking us. You know, the funny guys with the big things wrapped around their heads, those big mustaches, and the wierd faces. They scare me man... Them an' the Chinees are coming from Alaska to attack washington... I read that in the newspaper..... Man, I need a beer. Good thing I have a six pack in my pocket. (He begins to rumage through his jeans pocket).... Ahhh... someone stole it!.... man... that was good stuff... You know I invented Beer with my bare hands?... Yeaahh... people loved it from the moment I started making it........ I use to work as a railroad man... and a ditch digger... an' lift heavy boards an stuff.... I worked so hard that I worked all the bones away. My arm was like all beeuugggaahhhh an floppy and stuff. All that was left was cartilage...."

Well, that is more than enough Mr. Cartilage for now. That was the first of many conversations we have had. It is amazing the things you can learn from a man as knowledgable, well informed, traveled,strong, and tough as Mr. Cartilage.

Now, after a ride home with Mr. Cartilage, I burst forth into at least 60 sec. straight of laughter as soon as the bus pulls away.

So... try  Metro, after all, they say "Laughter is the best medicine"...